I have two new podcasts for ya, but I'm psycho busy these days, and haven't the time to make all the art and playlists and shite. If anyone wants to make some art, that would be keen. Lay it on me.

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This Tall To Ride In Poly-Fi EQ

-and-

Bad, Bad UFO Girls and Other Semi-Fictional Caricatures

Who loves ya, kids?

M-A

This week: Confess something secret that you do or think or see on a regular basis, which totally makes your day/week/month.

When I feel that the confession’s contents constitute an ostensible "sin," I’ll hand out a penance. Kneel and be remorseful.

IP logging is off. You may post anonymously, if you like.

While you're at it, head over to the journal of jesus_h_biscuit and spit your venom at the assholes in your life via Rat Bastard Fridays

This week: Confess anything. A secret, a fear, a passion, a dream, a buried hatred, or a hidden delight that only you know about.

When I feel that the confession’s contents constitute an ostensible "sin," I’ll hand out a penance. Kneel and be remorseful.

IP logging is off. You may post anonymously, if you like.

While you're at it, head over to the journal of jesus_h_biscuit and spit your venom at the assholes in your life via Rat Bastard Fridays

M-A

If you’re a lover of delightfully oddball music with an vintage creepy carnival feel and lyrics probing the slimy, murky depths of the old world and Middle America, you either already love Piñataland, or you’ve not heard of them and would enjoy the screaming victrola hell out of them.

With a mutating and polymorphous rotating ensemble of musicians strumming and blowing instruments from pedal steel guitars to tubas to violins to banjos, this Brooklyn-born troupe has authored several albums, including Songs For the Forgotten Future, Volumes 1 &2 and the upcoming Boy Scouts of Democracy.

They’ve performed for the notorious WFMU in Jersey, on Coney Island and even Riker’s Island (nothin’s says lovin’ like prison playin’) as well as a multimedia piece, performed at NYC’s HERE Arts Center. They’re weird and made of awesome sauce. Founding member Dave Wechsler is embarking on a tour, starting right here in Champaign.

Tonight. You should come. Bring your friends. Show up sauced, if that’s your thing.
From the press release:

The Tyranny of Dave Tour
October 21, 2009

Join Dave for his all café tour through the midwest playing songs from the new album The Decline of America Part One: The Bush Years. At all shows, you can get a free CD burned to order of your five favorite songs at the show. Just ask Dave after the show. On Wednesday, October 21st the carnage begins at the Aroma Cafe in Champaign, Illinois as part of their music maker series.

8:00pm
118 N Neil Street
FREE

Poll #1468120 Zombieland
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 13

How do you rate this film?

Have you seen this flick?

Zombieland on IMDB
More about Zombieland



If you've seen this flick, jump in and give a short review/discuss it with your fellow City of Dissers. You're also invited to comment on films which we have reviewed in the past.

If you want to rate, review and discuss a new film every day, you should definitely join thedailymovie. It’s a great community with a group of diverse, amicable and intelligent film buffs.

This week: Confess some of your biggest disappointments.

When I feel that the confession’s contents constitute an ostensible "sin," I’ll hand out a penance. Kneel and be remorseful.

IP logging is off. You may post anonymously, if you like.

While you're at it, head over to the journal of jesus_h_biscuit and spit your venom at the assholes in your life via Rat Bastard Fridays

M-A

Can anyone recommend (preferably with some links!) some Japanese books or shows for kids, which I could use to ease into reading and hearing the language?

ありがとうございます。

This week: Confess your worst personality attribute, idiosyncrasy or tendency.

When I feel that the confession’s contents constitute an ostensible "sin," I’ll hand out a penance. Kneel and be remorseful.

IP logging is off. You may post anonymously, if you like.

While you're at it, head over to the journal of jesus_h_biscuit and spit your venom at the assholes in your life via Rat Bastard Fridays

M-A

Poll #1459201 The Girl In Lover’s Lane
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 2

How do you rate this film?

Have you seen this flick?

The Girl In Lover’s Lane on IMDB
More about The Girl In Lover’s Lane



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Poll #1458755 Love and Death
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 6

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Love and Death on IMDB
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Poll #1458349 Dark City
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 7

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Dark City on IMDB
More about Dark City



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Poll #1457811 The Robot vs. the Aztec Mummy
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 1

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The Robot vs. the Aztec Mummy on IMDB
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Poll #1457315 9
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 11

How do you rate this film?

Have you seen this flick?

9 on IMDB
More about 9



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The Believer is my favorite magazine. It’s made of raw human intelligence, innovative analysis, authoritative humor and refined sugar snark. Each issue is packed with literary dissections of your favorite books, new and old classics, books that you’ve never heard of and books that you should never, under any circumstances, attempt to read. There are also musings about life, art, liberty, laziness, toys, tots and trollops; you know, everyday stuff made not so everyday through the wondrous wrangling of wayward words. You should all subscribe, if you haven’t already. Your life and the mind that lives it will be better for it.



That said, The Believer, or at least one of its contributors, is the subject of my ire today. The ‘zine has a regular feature entitled “Sedaratives,” a kind of chiding permutation of the Dear Abby-style advice column. Its title comes from the original columnist, Amy Sedaris, who responded to incoming letters for the first few issues, but it has since been mostly in the hands of a revolving door parade of authors, critics, performers and other higher and lower animals. In this month’s issue, Anne Beatts (of National Lampoon fame) takes on the task and in the process pisses me off with yet another example of what I have come to call “Quasi-Ironic Faggototyping.”

What I mean by that is the flinging about of queer stereotypes, either by straight folks or queer folks themselves, as if it’s just fine and dandy to simultaneously perpetuate and laugh at aforementioned wild generalizations. To wit:

Dear Sedaratives:
I’m getting married in a few months, and apparently I’m supposed to register for things. Any suggestions?
P. Kuhren
Long Beach, Calif.

Dear P.:
Since it’s impossible to tell by your initial whether you are a man or a woman, I find it difficult to advise you. If, dear P., you are a man, then you can relax, because your fiancée will have this covered and you need not do anything, unless, of course, you’re a man marrying a man, in which case you need to rethink your sexual orientation pronto, because a genuine gay man would know this stuff already. If you are a woman and were somehow absent the day they gave out the genes for choosing a china pattern, you should ask your gay friends to help.
Anne

I see. Ha-ha. Oh, the droll; it burns. Guess I’m not a “genuine gay man,” eh? Or is the defense that this is ironic and therefore, Beatts is really mocking that stereotype and calling out those who use it in seriousness? Is the same true of her assertion that “your [female] fiancée will have this covered”? Gender assumptions are just back in fashion, kids! They’re funny, even!

But don’t worry, your friendly neighborhood atypical homo curmudgeon is here to shake his fist at this nonsense in your stead. You hear me, Beatts? I shake my relatively unknown fist at your moderately well-known, sexuality-stereotyping self! When this sort of mentality is spread like so much marmalade, in a serious way, it’s annoying and more than a little bit wrong. When we fags and the cloyingly prejudicial attributes that are pre-assigned to us get used as the butt of your jokes, it’s annoying, more than a little bit wrong, and a lot sad and tired. Perhaps in the 70s, 80s, and even the 90s, those friendly little “best friend with great taste in wine, who loves to go shopping and dancing with you” caricatures served a humble purpose of warming the hetero populace up to their gay neighbors. Maybe placing homo men into that innocuous role made a lot of people feel less icky about them. Maybe it was the right thing to do.
Then.

But then is not now. That Mp3's been played for decades and it’s tired and experiencing digital atrophy. Now there may be many queer guys who fall into one or even many of the stereotypes foisted upon us by assumptive straights, but more and more, gays are resembling those assumptions less and less. Your attempts to rehash and redistribute these contrived attributes are not astute, they’re not endearing, and they’re not funny. They’re just old and increasingly offensive. And when I say “your,” I’m not addressing Beatts alone. I’m not just addressing comedians. I’m not just addressing straight people, either. Oh yes, homos; you’re in this muck, too, and you damn well know it.

Perhaps as a sort of defense mechanism, a method by which we can put our straight co-workers, friends and relatives at ease with our sexuality, gays have had a rather sordid history of joking about and gleefully embracing those stereotypes without irony and without much consideration for how this may affect our queer brothers and sisters, especially those of the teenaged, just-coming-out variety. They grow up, they realize and actualize their sexuality, overcoming strident and super-scary social pressure to the contrary, shucking off thousands of years of tradition and enforced behavior…to be presented with a whole new list of enforced behavior, disingenuously disguised as playful ribbing.

Well, my ribs hurt, people. Stop it.

To the new generation of GLBT youth; don’t listen to that kind of clap-trap. It’s bunk and you don’t have to go along with it. You don’t have to put up with anyone saying, “Hey, you’re a lesbian! Wanna join our softball team?” and you don’t have to be friends with people who say, “I forgot to watch Project Runway, what kind of faggot am I?” There are other options. With a little more looking, you can find friends who, straight or otherwise, will treat you like a human being with your own idiosyncrasies that have very little to do with what kind of pheromones get you in a tizzy.

You don’t have to like the Pride parade. You don’t have to like Madonna. You don’t have to like to go shopping. You’re allowed to be a slobby, poorly-dressed gay man or a bleach-blonde, make-up caked housewife lesbian. If that’s what your hokey-pokey is all about, don’t let anybody tell you you’re wrong. You’re not. You’re you. They’re wrong. And if they think that who you or who they are is somehow dependent on some antediluvian prescription of behavior, attitude, interest or attire, then it’s possible that they’re not really who they are. They’re trying to be something they think they’re supposed to be. Pity them.

To everyone else, let’s get a few things clear, okay? Being gay means that you’re attracted to people of the same sex. That’s it. Anything else is up in the air and while you’ll find lots of known stereotypes espoused and embraced by plenty of the louder, brighter, flashier members of the gay community, those people are really in the minority. You may not see the others so much because they’re not so noticeable. But they exist in droves and they are as diverse as humanity itself.

Do not assume that your new gay friend likes or knows about fine cheeses from around the world. Do not assume that he wants to be your shopping buddy and do not assume that he’ll be keen with you saying things like, “Wow, a gay man who does his own plumbing!” That’s not cute. That’s rude.

Do not assume that your new lesbian friend will be amused by your jokes about moving in together before the first date. Don’t assume that she loves The L Word. Don’t assume that she’s a bad tipper. Don’t assume anything, really. She’s a human being, an original one, with her own personality that isn’t going to conform to all your assumption, and could very well conform to none of them.

Queer people, be they gay, bi, lesbian, trans, or any other permutation along the gender/sexuality spectrum, are not a monolithic sexual institution with meetings and agendas and codes of conduct. They are not born with feather boas or Doc Martins. Lesbians don’t come scrambling out of the womb in flannel and a fully-packed tool belt. Their gay brothers aren’t pre-programmed to make the bestest quiche ever. These are things that may be innate-ish in some, adopted by others for peer group unity, and somewhat cruelly foisted on others who are pressured into them by those who, for some reason, want queer uniformity.

Enough of that pap is enough, don’t you think? Aren’t we, meaning the human race, beyond our puerile adolescence by now? If not, shouldn’t we be? Isn’t it time we stopped being infantile and lazy about our perception of groups categorized by one similarity? Can’t we stop placing people, even ourselves or our own particular group, into little shiny boxes of expectation and homogeneity? Of course we can. We’re pretty much the smartest, most impressively-thoughtful animals on the planet. We built the pyramids. We dug out the Panama Canal. We played bleeding golf on the bleeding Moon. Surely we can grow up and stop tossing about junior high-style clique-cabal clowning and chides.

Moreover, it’s really time that we all take a step back from whatever group or groups we find ourselves in and ask if we really need those stereotypes and enforced tastes and interests for cohesion. We need to seriously question why it is that some straight women feel like they’re not allowed to play football. Why some straight men feel that they can’t take up knitting as a hobby, and why those same hobbies are snickeringly encouraged for their queer counterparts. We need to question the very notion of gender and sexuality-defined categorization, because if we don’t do so, and do so in a big way, we will continue to allow those very things, those very cavalier and arbitrary things, define us. And who wants to be defined by what someone else, someone unknown, someone who only exists in the abstract, wants them to be?
Not me, kid. And hopefully, not you.

This week: Confess your reasons for allowing friends and/or relatives that you despise, dislike or about whom you are apathetic, to stay in your life.

When I feel that the confession’s contents constitute an ostensible "sin," I’ll hand out a penance. Kneel and be remorseful.

IP logging is off. You may post anonymously, if you like.

While you're at it, head over to the journal of jesus_h_biscuit and spit your venom at the assholes in your life via Rat Bastard Fridays

M-A

Poll #1455679 Tokyo Zombie
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 5

How do you rate this film?

Have you seen this flick?

Tokyo Zombie on IMDB
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If you've seen this flick, jump in and give a short review/discuss it with your fellow City of Dissers. You're also invited to comment on films which we have reviewed in the past.

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Poll #1455328 Zombie Nightmare
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 3

How do you rate this film?

Have you seen this flick

Zombie Nightmare on IMDB
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Poll #1454775 Industrial Symphony No. 1: Dream of the Brokenhearted
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 3

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Industrial Symphony No. 1 on IMDB
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Poll #1454400 Tropic Thunder
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 16

How do you rate this film?

Have you seen this flick?

Tropic Thunder on IMDB
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This week: Confess what makes you squeal like a little girl.

When I feel that the confession’s contents constitute an ostensible "sin," I’ll hand out a penance. Kneel and be remorseful.

IP logging is off. You may post anonymously, if you like.

While you're at it, head over to the journal of jesus_h_biscuit and spit your venom at the assholes in your life via Rat Bastard Fridays

M-A

Poll #1452620 Sweeney Todd, 1982
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 7

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Sweeney Todd, the Demon Barber of Fleet Street on IMDB
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Poll #1452307 Primer
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 8

How do you rate this film?

Have you seen this flick?

Primer on IMDB
More about Primer



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When I see a hot air balloon, I stop and stare at it. I breathe deeply and squint at it and then the air feels crisper and lighter, saturated with breezy light. Once, when I was no older than seven or eight, one landed in the back yard of my neighbor. The friendly passengers pressed the heated air out of the balloon, folded it, and chatted with us as they waited for their retrieval truck. They were the most free and alive people I’d ever seen. They didn’t have the burden on their shoulders carried by my neighbors, family, teachers and other associates. They had bright, wide, engaging eyes, filled with some kind of adventure and caring that wasn’t prevalent in Ohio. I wanted to become a vapor and crawl inside of them.

Photo by Joe_B

Poll #1451707 District 9
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 17

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District 9 on IMDB
More about District 9



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Poll #1451368 The Hurt Locker
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 3

How do you rate this film?

Have you seen this flick?

The Hurt Locker on IMDB
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To everyone whose family has rules against discussing politics:

How bad would the country's situation have to get/what would have to occur before you would feel you had to start breaking that rule every day?

This week: Confess any people, books, films, music, etc., which make you feel stupid.

When I feel that the confession’s contents constitute an ostensible "sin," I’ll hand out a penance. Kneel and be remorseful.

IP logging is off. You may post anonymously, if you like.

While you're at it, head over to the journal of jesus_h_biscuit and spit your venom at the assholes in your life via Rat Bastard Fridays

M-A

This week: Confess your strange taste in people, by posting an image of a person who is generally not considered to be very attractive, but whom you find to be sizzlin' for whatever reason. Expand upon your reasons, if you feel like it.

When I feel that the confession’s contents constitute an ostensible "sin," I’ll hand out a penance. Kneel and be remorseful.

IP logging is off. You may post anonymously, if you like.

While you're at it, head over to the journal of jesus_h_biscuit and spit your venom at the assholes in your life via Rat Bastard Fridays

M-A

Hey kids,
Can some kind so-and-so give me the skinny on making one of those handy always-at-the-top LJ entries? Please & thanks!

This week: Confess the things, places or people that you hate, but wish you could like or love.

When I feel that the confession’s contents constitute an ostensible "sin," I’ll hand out a penance. Kneel and be remorseful.

IP logging is off. You may post anonymously, if you like.

While you're at it, head over to the journal of jesus_h_biscuit and spit your venom at the assholes in your life via Rat Bastard Fridays

M-A

Poll #1439527 Modern Times
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 9

How do you rate this film?

Have you seen this flick?

Modern Times on IMDB
More about Modern Times



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Poll #1437178 Moon
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 7

How do you rate this film?

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Moon on IMDB
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In response to yesterday's screwing primates, here's a pair of screwing land tortoises:



1. I had no idea that turtles could make such noises. And I've had many a turtle as a pet in my day. I guess I never witnessed any of them in medias coitus, though.

2. Check out the look of apathy on the female. I'm guessing her man just don't know how to work it.

(Thanks flyswatter!)

LAST RITES: LES LYE
(November 18, 1924 — July 21, 2009)


Comedian and kids’ TV renaissance man Les Lye has died at the age of 84.





Les played every adult male character on the iconic Canadian children’s sketch comedy show, You Can’t Do That On Television. His characters ranged from a psychotic bus driver, to a stinking lush of a father to an executioner to an oddly endearing cannibalistic hamburger chef. Lye had a way of making odious characters chuckle-worthy and charming, not to mention a real talent for introducing young viewers to the variety and scope available in terms of comedic staples. Noah Diamond wrote a great piece about the show, with a focus on Les over at Noah’s Comedy Palace, which is a great read, with some choice clips.

It’s hard to convey exactly why, but the passing of this swell guy has deeply affected me. While the running gags and old jokes layered into YCDTOT weren’t always fresh, they were certainly sincere and even as young kids, we were all able to recognize something familiar in characters like Barth, the burger-flipping semi-retarded slob with a dubious moral compass and everything from car parts to dead rats to finely ground Alanis Morissette in his beef patties.

It’s to the credit of Les Lye that whenever I happen to eat a terrible hamburger, I see a slovenly, yellowing cretin with missing teeth, peeking out from the kitchen and slurring in response to my complaints.



Let’s all take some time, sa “I don’t know” and take the slime that’s coming to us, in honor of Les.

What is it, kids? Why, it's your morning dose of primates fucking on a moving car hood. Morning!

Poll #1436197 Before the Devil
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 5

How do you rate this film?

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Before the Devil Knows You’re Dead on IMDB
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"During a recent stay at our cottage in norther Wisconsin, I awoke to find this balloon hovering above a futon in the corner of the room. It was eerie. I didn't know what was going on for a second or two. There was no air movement, even though all the windows to the cottage were open. Perfect neutral buoyancy!"

Via Boing Boing

This week: Confess things which inexplicably hurt your feelings.

When I feel that the confession’s contents constitute an ostensible "sin," I’ll hand out a penance. Kneel and be remorseful.

IP logging is off. You may post anonymously, if you like.

While you're at it, head over to the journal of jesus_h_biscuit and spit your venom at the assholes in your life via Rat Bastard Fridays

M-A

Poll #1432281 Main Hoon Na
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 2

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Main Hoon Na on IMDB
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Poll #1432275 Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 12

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Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince on IMDB
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A kitschy-cool 8mm documentary about Bingo addiction, starring the glamorous and forthright Grandma Belasco.

Poll #1430558 Racket Girls
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 3

How do you rate this film?

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Racket Girls on IMDB
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Poll #1429616 Blood of the Vampires
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 3

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Blood of the Vampires on IMDB
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Poll #1429085 The Great Dictator
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The Great Dictator on IMDB
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Poll #1427762 Transformers 2
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Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen on IMDB
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If you've seen this flick, jump in and give a short review/discuss it with your fellow City of Dissers. You're also invited to comment on films which we have reviewed in the past.

If you want to rate, review and discuss a new film every day, you should definitely join thedailymovie. It’s a great community with a group of diverse, amicable and intelligent film buffs.

This week: Confess something you think about a friend, which you'd never tell them to their face.

When I feel that the confession’s contents constitute an ostensible "sin," I’ll hand out a penance. Kneel and be remorseful.

IP logging is off. You may post anonymously, if you like.

While you're at it, head over to the journal of jesus_h_biscuit and spit your venom at the assholes in your life via Rat Bastard Fridays

M-A