I've been getting boxes and boxes of wonderful and weird things in the Walking Monkey Ministries P.O. Box and I apologize that my busy life has prevented me from speaking of their glories thus far. I plan to remedy that – somewhat – in this entry. If you've sent something and don't see it mentioned here, worry not – I'll get to it eventually.

The first item to arrive is thus far one of my favorites and came courtesy of benchilada and duosiceprincess. It was apparently procured at an estate sale. I'm talking about an oblong, pink and purple cardboard box, with the words "Resurrection Eggs: The Easter Story For Children" emblazoned on its face in big, foreboding, yellow lettering. The "T" in "resurrection" is in the form of a gargantuan cross. Weeeeeeeeee!

From this box slips a Styrofoam egg carton and within it are a dozen plastic, pastel eggs, containing items that "symbolize events in the death, burial and resurrection of Jesus." These items include, but are not limited to: a donkey, praying hands, a leather strip, a die, nails and my personal favorite, the empty egg, "representing the empty tomb."

The makers of this fine educational device have also been kind enough to include "an easy-to-understand booklet," detailing how these eggs are to be used in half-assed brainwashing of minors. The booklet explains what the eggs' contents symbolize, and contains a plug for another product with the words "Use Resurrection Eggs with Benjamin's Box!" It also lists these helpful hints for "Leading Children to Christ" (Because Christ, apparently, can't be arsed to go to them.):

1. Be a friend (You know, the lecturing kind of friend)
2. Keep it simple (Because kids are retarded)
3. Let them share (And if they don't, MAKE them share)
4. Talk about Jesus (My guess is that this one is important)
5. Use visual aids (Like cheap-ass Easter eggs with sharp objects inside)
6. Invite a decision, but be sensitive to God's timing

This last one is so great, that I have to share its further explanation with you: "If children understand that their sin (you know, like refusing to eat their vegetables, reading Harry Potter, etc) makes God sad, and if they feel sorry for their sins (I'll take Lay on the Guilt for 200, Alex) and want to change, they may be ready to make a commitment."

Classic.

This booklet also includes snazzy adds for other lovely items: "Adorenaments" and "Thanksliving Treasures."

My sincere thanks goes out to the givers of this camp brilliance: It has an honored place in my office, next to the big-ass African mask.

If you have any strange, amusing, beautiful or esoteric item that you'd like to send along, for eventual edification in this journal, send it to:

Marc-Anthony Macon
c/o Walking Monkey Ministries
P.O. Box 901
Urbana, Illinois
61803

M-A